i cannot grow up
i am convinced of this
but perhaps i am just jumping the gun here

dammit i want that imac g5 so badly

i know that for as long as i am with ravi
i will never grow up
it probably would not be different if i left him anyway
it is just me
this state
i feel like i am always in limbo
i have hiked up the slope of a plateau
and am la-la-lahing along the top
still lahing
either i keep strolling along
or i slip down the slope of the plateau
doesnt seem to go any higher

ravi is the vine i have been reaching out for
and now that i have caught it
i am holding on
swinging as the tree grows higher
it is dangerous
to surrender your heart to someone so mortal
i can lose him anytime
what then
can i swing to another vine
another branch
or will i finally fall digging at the roots

i should have dug a long time ago

i am both found
and unfound

as ravi would say

only you, dali

only you


the only one who keeps my nerves in check, ravi
is you, baby

-u-