how to make the perfect roti john.

you know it's Sunday when you feel like ... roti john!
so i get up, turn over, look at The Boyfriend, harass him repeatedly WWE style, then roll over and ask "roti john?" to which eager yes-s were spat.

so, this is how you make roti john. john's bread. ha ha. ha. er. ok.

so,

1) get up, shower, and tell yourself, "you must get your ass to Cold Storage and get bread. must get bread. no roti john without bread."

then end up not buying bread. there are five slices left, it'll be enough.

2) run to the kitchen with wet hair, grab the onions from the fridge and start chopping them up. chop them up finely so that anal Boyfriend can never guess there are actually onions in f o o d .



3) heat oil in pan, throw finely chopped onions into pan with curry powder and chilli powder.



then add minced chicken and mix.

4) smash four eggs on side of mixing bowl then drop them into bowl with minute pieces of shell. curse and swear that you really do not need extra protein, then remove microscopic shell from bowl with bigger shells. then beat eggs up with white pepper, garam masala, salt and black pepper.



5) then you should get the bright idea to get fresh, crisp baguette from Delifrance across the street. throw curried minced chicken into beaten egg, slip into bright orange shirt and jeans and run across the street before gloomy clouds spill.

6) gloomy clouds spill.

7) curse and swear that you knew you really should have gotten the bright idea to buy bread before you start chopping up onions for Boyfriend.

8) go to baguette basket and wonder where all the baguette went to. look behind at oven and see uncooked pale baguette-s in neat lines being baked. ask blur Delifrance staff anyway where all the baguette is. blur Delifrance staff will tell you exactly what you already know, "come back in ten minutes, ah."

9) go to Cold Storage above and buy hotdog buns for which you have no use. and 7 other useless items. then back down to get baguette.

10) walk 50 steps back home and wonder why the rain stops so quickly.

11) drop bags filled with useless supermarket items on dining table and slice baguette-s lengthwise and widthwise into fours. dip quartered baguette-s into egged minced chicken.



12) grease pan, balance heavy raw roti johns in hand, then flip over onto greased heated pan. brown egg/chicken side of baguette. then turn over and heat other side for added crispness.

13) serve with chilli sauce, mayonnaise, whatever condiment you wish.



14) sit on couch smugly at perfect Domestic Wifeness inherent in self.