Sunday, April 23, 2006

let me know

what do you do
when your heart feels bruised up
when you're nothing but a shell of yourself
when the bright moonlit night offers no solace
when the westward sun shines no light into your heart
when you cannot spend a minute to yourself
when you aren't able to face people without pretending
when sleep offers no peace
when food offers no satiation
when the drink numbs nothing but sensation
when those closest to you are the farthest
when singing offers only temporary refuge
when every noise hurls you into rage
when silence is the only courtworthy asset
when you keep pulling yourself back when you push
what do you do

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

sayang, this poem speaks of me right now. i feel myself crumbling yet my world is not. sobs wreck my body everyday. i go to work, plaster my face with makeup, use ice cube to make my swollen eyes look presentable, give the brightest smile to everyone but the smile itself is empty. i'm not smiling from my heart. this week has been so hard. my friends have to endure my 1am & 7am calls just to hear me sob uncontrollably for 30mins. i leave the tv on every night. if i don't & if the room is quiet, my mind starts to run. it runs back to the past. i tell it, no, you can't dwell on it. but it goes into auto-pilot mode. when i'm in the showers, it comes. when i'm tired & i lay my head on my bed, it comes. i haven't been happy for a long long time. even meeting new people doesn't lighten up my soul. it's just going through the motions. work. eat. go to work. come home. just motions. i'm going to see the doctor today. i just don't want to seep into depression and not realize it.

your beloved orni