unravelled

when something out of the ordinary happens, you find out who your friends are.

i'd discovered that someone has been watching me in the shower. and boy, was i mad. really mad. but what made me madder was two friends who knew about it.

one - couldn't be more obvious he was more concerned about himself than i.

two - couldn't be more concerned/thoughtful that perhaps i didn't exactly want the world to know about it, but she told (1) her schoolmate who met me for the first time the previous night, (2) her boyfriend [which is to be expected, somehow] and (3) another friend of hers who just happened to be around her when i told her more details which were unearthed.

i was angrier at the second than the first.

juicy stories are good to tell.

i have not judged her, not any of the times she deemed it her right to publicise that her boyfriend is a porn addict, not any of the times she's shown insensitivity. hell, we're all vengeful sometimes. hell, we're all insensitive sometimes.

friends have mutual respect for one another, understanding/empathy.

where was her understanding that this is a private matter?

where the event i had told her, was private and told sub rosa to one friend - her. the other, was somewhat involved.

and she tells me that next time i relate a story to her, that i should first find out if there are people around her. like it's my fault she cannot draw boundaries, she is not able to differentiate between stories that are OK to tell, and stories that should remain private.

i should first find out if there are people around her.

that i ...

i ...

i ...

... should find out ... if there are people around her.

why is that the fucking point at all? how can her pride be more important than mutual respect/understanding in a friendship? even if there are people around her, how difficult would it be for her to say "no, nothing much" to someone who asks "why? what's up?" cos it's not her who's up?

where is her understanding of me?

where is her mutual respect for me?

i've dropped one yesterday.

ina, i love you. my true friend over all these years. who could understand me, who loves me, who chastises me when i should be corrected, who sees the boundaries as clear as the sky.

and who respects me.

as i respect her and treasure her secrets, away in my heart and in my drawer.