finally.

yesterday afternoon, i went for my pre-Lasik check up. yes, i am finally taking the plunge. walked through the automated doors into an extremely clean, modern looking facility, nothing like i expected a government subsidised (they are subsidised, aren't they?) institution to look like. i was expecting plastic chairs screwed to the floor, like as though they were expecting people to haul government chairs off on their shoulders in the 70s. you know, ala government handouts that everyone expects these days. but no, the first sofa i see resembles something that rolled out of a mies van der rohe showroom. plus, security was an athletic, good-looking young indian.

Lasik is definitely overpriced.

and i'm loving it.

after registering, a fresh young-faced lady comes to me with a Lasik booklet printed on nice paper. she speaks crisply with a confidence that i find extremely unusual of *cough* usual local girls. and not a single grammatical error at that. she runs through some of the risks involved with Lasik. first at the top of the list is 'permanent loss of vision'. before i can even react, she looks at me calmly and says "but we have not had a single case of vision loss here at this centre" and writes '0%' in thick black ink beside the header "Loss of Vision". she promptly goes on to the other risks that don't quite sound as bad, but really, are just as bad. Visual side effects like glare, halos and starbursts that sound more like marshmallow names in my cereal. and then there's the possibility of undercorrection or overcorrection of the eye - she assured me that touch up surgeries are free. oh, that's good to know. i might turn blind, have marshmallows in my eyes and they are also willing to give me free touch up surgery should, on top of all that, i am quite the lucky star who gets undercorrected/overcorrected. oh, the relief! and then there is the other thing, corneal flap problems. but let's not go further. not knowing everything can be, sometimes, good.

the first test was actually a scan of my entire eye(ball). i sat on a swivel stool that is not for the weight-challenged. put my face on the chin/forehead rest and looked into a screen that looked like it was an austin powers prop. it had yellow and black swirls. then came a test that convinced me i was as good as blind, astigmatism really blurs your vision near and far. the third was just the usual test you'd take in a shop when you need to buy glasses.

then finally, i get to meet my doctor who's in her late 40s with a chinadoll haircut. she's a very simple lady, not a trace of make up or faded hair dye. extremely petite and prefers dress suits and very elegant glasses.

!!!

she wears glasses.

why would an opthalmologist wear glasses instead of opting for Lasik? is there something i should know about Lasik?

she checked my corneal thickness with something that temporarily rended me blind with brightness. she seemed extremely pleased with my thick corneas. the nurse then came along and said, "we need to dilate your pupils" and i resisted the urge to ask "why?". the drops stung and i couldn't keep my eyes open for 15 seconds, i looked pretty ridiculous blinking like that. but hell, i was in the midst of 10 dilated pupils, we all went through it. after that, i went through the same three tests, i was told that dilating the pupils was to check if my eyes were stable enough for Lasik. to see if the variations between test results before and after dilation is too huge.

looked into my pocket mirror and found that my pupils were extremely dilated. never seen my pupils so huge, they were almost as big as my irises. i felt like a cat. actually, i felt more like linda blair in exorcist. then i realised that i started having difficulty focusing on my book, it was difficult to read. felt like my eyes had a life of their own, becoming laaaazy. the entire thing took 4.5 hours, 1.5 hours longer than they promised.

i made poor Ah Tak the Electrician wait for half an hour at the carpark because of the delay. there was a power outtage in my home. i jolted awake in the morning from the silence, there wasn't the usual low humming of electricity in the home, the air-con was off. it was too quiet. i had to move slowly, didn't want to perspire buckets before i left for work. Ah Tak spoke extremely poor English but he wasn't shy about it, he couldn't stop talking, he didn't stop trying. there was something absolutely endearing about him. he was very kind, very down to earth and gave a million tips about electrical safety in the home. he's a malaysian from ipoh (hooties to my kind malaysian friends). he even sat on the sofa with me for 15 minutes just talking about the many homes he has visited, fixing pipes and blown fuses. and of the many homes he cannot afford or understand. "i was construction", he said, "no good, this not so good, but better."

the worth of a good hard day's work for money is lost on many of us in this generation.

i didn't feel like going out, didn't feel like seeing anyone. my vision was still blur and my pupils would stay dilated for a couple more hours. i ordered in pizza, the singapura special and the classic italian. i hate thick crusts.

watched Enough on cable starring Bill Campbell and J.Lo. i hate it when i realise an actor is acting in a movie, and J.Lo reminded me i was watching a movie about 3 times in the show. i watch movies to get lost in them.

for some reason, i burst into tears on the floor with my back resting on the arm bone of my sofa. Enough wasn't a particularly moving show.

i think it's time i join Ravi. it's been too long. we've lasted 5 months with the current arrangement, and if i don't join him soon, i'll go mad.

and today, it's the same. i still do not feel like going out, i don't want to see anyone. i am enjoying the quiet at home. i actually like being alone. being quiet. i am already dreading tomorrow, i have to meet someone when i really feel like staying home.

what more, it's a cool Saturday with a strong breeze blowing through the house.

it's perfect.